Elegy

Lawrence is dead
you said
in a sms
I could read
even without my glasses on
the words so incongruous
they stood out
like boldface

Lawrence who you
hated and cursed
Lawrence who
saved your life
against your will
at the turn
of the millenium

Lawrence the other half
of the dream team
your significant
other of a sort
that only he
knows, but now
all that

Lawrence knows
or knew is buried
in the medieval churchyard
where once
you found a piece of skull
and took it home
or was it a jaw
and did you tell

Lawrence? it was
the sort of thing
he may not have understood
his understanding of you
was running thin
in those days
and you told him
you were
letting him go

Lawrence asked you to
put it in writing
and you did
in the language
of the government
not the language
you and he used
when word by word
he got you, taught you
to match word
to thought
the way jaw
matches skull

Lawrence cannot
be lying in a churchyard
like a full stop
there was no notice
no stays no bans
we were not getting
the newspaper

Lawrence gone
to where the dead go
taking the you he knew
along, dead, dead dead
do the dead
proclaim our name in song
and we who hear the echo
do we, should we
sing along

Lawrence, the name
is carved on a stone
at the place he stopped
and lay down in the ground
go there
scream at him
as you once
would have done

Lawrence
goddamn you
Lawrence
I hate you
Lawrence
this isn’t fair
Lawrence
this isn’t done

Lawrence knows
how you turned to the wall
he waited, believing you
would turn back around
he knew you would live
and knows even now
you will turn back
from his grave
to live
and love
and carry on

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